Katrina

opera kicks ass.

and i wanna go to simon's rock.

and this music is awesome.

and being sick sucks.



and i feel all blissfully happy, oddly. just... happyhappyyay.


and that's it. i suppose. damn, this journal is girly. but i'm gonna try and use it more. squee.

seriously, it's been ALMOST another year. and again, LOADS of things have changed. no boyfriend, lots of friends, and a GIGANTIC crush. Did I mention LOTS of friends? It really hit me once when I went to print out some stuff in the school library and I went and looked at the couch (where all my friends and I sit) and it was AMAZING. The couch was full and surrounded by people. My circle of friends is HUGE. This was unthinkable, like, in 8th grade. It's some crazy shit. And I love it.


How they're all going to feel if I abandon them for college two years early... well, meh.


Also, I use Linux! hahaha. Yes, I have a beautiful new computer (celestine)...I have no idea how I survived on Zephyra for so long. Or, oh my god, Cadeau. WINDOWS 98 HURRR DIALUP WOO BSOD! *shiver*


I suppose I just don't want this thing to be all abandonededed and stuff. Still not like anyone reads it, but eh. Ainsi soit-il.


I need to learn German. I got Les Mis in German and I'm singing along and learning to pronounce it and it's EXCELLENT. It's also a really weird experience because I know EVERYTHING that's going on... I just don't understand any of the words used to describe it. It kinda lets me focus more on the music itself, which is nice because god knows I focus on voice too often.


WOW LJ AND LAST.FM INTEGRATION WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

...so, yeah, i suppose that's it? 's not like I'm actually making a return where I'll be using this thing regularly. just updating you random strangers who stumble upon this thing on the boring details of my life. things will be more interesting soon, though. can't promise UPDATES when things get interesting (having a social life and all, now), but hey.

Okay, so that title sounds WAY more, like, thoughtful and shit than I meant it, but hey.

So it's been a year since my last entry. And in that time, I've accomplished...


Well, not much. :|

It's been yearly a year and three months since Alex and I first started going out. It has been an AMAZING year, filled with...mostly happiness. We've not really had any serious arguments. We've had sad spots, but it's been pretty much fine. I personally think I've opened up a lot more, and that is a HUGE accomplishment.

I have friends. That is a HUGE thing for me. People who have known me for long enough know how huge, I think.

Three years ago I was horrible, always suicidal. Two years ago I was in Snowden. One year ago I still sorely needed a counselor. Today...I'm all right. Happier than last year. Going through my Winter difficulties, but hey. It's probably not at the point where I'm "squeeeeehappeeeeee" all the time, but I'm not on the verge of killing myself everyday either. And that's a big change.

I can sort of talk about myself. I do hope I've gotten less annoying, at least. I can go somewhere without sitting in the corner looking around at people and crying. Well...usually, at least. It does happen, but I don't think as much.

I think I've really found meaning in my life. I know there's a future in front of me, and I'm not as scared of everything as much. When I am afraid, I can kinda conquer it. It sounds SO cheesy, but it's happened. With help, of course. Hahaha, the overpass that you can look down over and see 95 so many many many feet below you, connecting Cowan to Central Park? Yeah, I walked that. Me, who is CRAZY AS SHIT AND SCARED AS HELL of heights, did it. I'm still like superproud of that. My legs were jelly, of course, but I still did it. old me might've cowered there, sitting. And gotten nowhere. The climb up that stupid hill from Rt. 1 to the hospital? Ugh, I did it. That fucking view of EVERYTHING I MEAN EVERYTHING /from/ that stupid hill once you're at the top? damnit, yes.


I'm amazed by my changes. I really am.

I feel...I'm a better person. More caring, all that good stuff.

of course, those changes don't keep my attention from wondering a little after writing stuff damnit.

so yeah. I'm...different. And a better person for it all. And I'm proud of myself, I really am.

I love myself, sometimes.

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.


Just the THOUGHT of him sends me into a fit of happiness. I may not have been able to talk with him today but I will be able to tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. And every SINGLE day for the rest of our lives. It's really, really, really true.


Even when I'm without him I have the thought of him in my heart to keep me going and happy and warmed just by our love. It sounds SO clichéd, I know, but it just feels so, so, so amazing. I didn't know before this that it was possible to feel this way and now look at me. Yes, I dote on him, and I love it. I love him. I love everything about him. God. The words are old but always true. It's...wow. <3


I love him. So much.



Alexander Haviland. I love you.

Je veux dire un peu plus de tout j'ai parlé d'hier soir.

Quand je dis que l'utopie n'est pas réalisable, je veux dire que l'utopie n'est pas réalisable dans le sens que c'est plein de faux bonheur. Des personnes disent que le fait que l'utopie a bonheur, même c'est le faux bonheur, c'est réalisable. Je vois votre point. Mais je pense que le bonheur est seulement vraiment bonheur si c'est le vrai bonheur et ce n'est pas le faux bonheur que l'utopie don. Si vous vivez votre vie dans une "utopie," vous n'avez pas le vrai bonheur. Vous n'êtes pas vraiment heureux. Vous avez le faux bonheur et vous êtes un esclave. Vous n'avez pas la liberté. Et sans la liberté vous ne pouvez pas avoir le bonheur. En plus, dans une utopie, vous n'êtes pas avec l'amour. Sans l'amour, vous ne pouvez pas avoir le bonheur. C'est simplement. Vous pouvez essayer d'arguer que l'utopie don le bonheur, mais quand c'est tout fini ? Ce n'est pas vrai. Je regrette, mais personnes ne sont pas vraiment heureux s'ils n'ont pas la liberté et l'utopie asservit les personnes et un esclave n'est pas heureux. Le bonheur est un cadeau vous pouvez recevoir de l'amour et la liberté. Si vous êtes libre, vous pouvez être heureux. Si vous n'êtes pas libre ? Je suis vraiment désolée pour vous. Je veux à laisse tout le monde être libre. C'EST une utopie. Moins parfait. Mais plus libre. Et plus heureux.

Au revoir, mes amis.

Le sujet première :

"Les utopies apparaissent comme bien plus réalisables qu'on ne le croyait autrefois. Et nous nous trouvons actuellement devant une question bien autrement angoissante : Comment éviter leur réalisation définitive ?...Les utopies sont réalisables. La vie marche vers les utopies. Et peut-être un siècle nouveau commence-t-il, un siècle où les intellectuels et la classe cultivée rêveront aux moyens d'éviter les utopies et de retourner à une société non utopique, moins 'parfaite' et plus libre." - Nicolas Berdiaeff


Monsieur Berdiaeff...il a été assez correct, oui...mais un problème.

Il a dit que la vie marche vers les utopies.

C'est vrai. Mais c'est pourquoi le siècle où nous rêve d'une société moins parfaite si c'est plus libre, il ne peut pas être. Les personnes, nous voulons une société parfaite. Et nous savez peut-être que c'est pas possible, que tout le monde, ils ont une définition personnelle dus utopies. Nous avons nos vies propres et nous avons une définition de l'utopie. C'est pourquoi "l'utopie" par définition n'est pas possible -- si nous n'avez pas liberté dans le nom de bonheur pour tout le monde, le bonheur, c'est pas vrai. C'est le faux bonheur. Je sais que je préfère passer ma vie malheureux mais libre que de vivant dans le faux bonheur et être un esclave à un gouvernement qui n'aime pas le peuple et vivant pour une personne. Je sais que nous savons qui c'est.

Donc l'utopie, c'est pas possible. Il a dit que l'utopie est possible mais nous savons que l'utopie nous fait abandonner le bonheur et vivant sous faux bonheur. Faux bonheur pour le monde ? C'est possible. Pas l'utopie. L'utopie, c'est parfait et faux bonheur n'est pas.

Si c'est vrai, que l'utopie n'est pas possible, alors, pourquoi avons-nous continue à marche vers l'utopie dans vie ? C'est simplement -- la société, elle dit à marche vers l'utopie. Le passé a montré que l'utopie n'est pas possible, mais nous continue à marchons vers elle. Et nous ne savons pas qu'est-ce que nous pouvons faisons autre que qu'est-ce que nous a fait. dans le passé nous a marché en l'espoir que nous pouvons vivant en une société parfaite. Nous continue à recherche pour le bonheur dans la vie. Nous ne savons même pas que nous faire ça -- c'est l'instinct ! Si nous n'avez pas le bonheur, qu'est-ce que nous vivons ? Mais pourtant nous avez à vivant LIBRE. Comme nous devrait ! Donc nous vivant au recherche de trois choses : L'amour, Le Bonheur et La Liberté. Si nous avez les trois choses de la vie, nous sommes complètes. Maintenant :

L'amour

L'amour est TRÈS important. Si nous n'avez pas l'amour, nous ne pouvoir pas aimons en retour. La vie dus autres personnes dépende de nous pouvoir aimons. L'amour est un cadeau, oui ! Si vous donnez le cadeau de l'amour à beaucoup de personnes et vous recevra en retour. C'est simplement ! Si nous ne sommes pas aimés, nous sommes très malheureux. Nous voulons à meurs au temps. Je sais comment c'est. J'ai vécu travers ma vie est ma vie a été sans amoure à beaucoup de temps. J'ai voulu meurs. Mais maintenant je suis très heureuse pour j'ai l'amour. J'ai beaucoup d'amis très bon et j'ai un amant. Si vous n'avez pas un amant, n'avez pas peur, s'il vous plaît. Si vous avez amis, vous pouvez vivant avec le bonheur. L'amour donne le bonheur à vous. Maintenant :

Le Bonheur

Le bonheur est très important aussi. Tous les trois choses sont très importantes. Mais vous devez savoir de tous les trois. Le bonheur est très intéressant. Si vous avez les deux autres choses dus trois choses, ils donnent vous le bonheur. Mais beaucoup de choses dans la vie donnera le bonheur. Et des choses donnent le faux bonheur. C'est important de voir que l'amour et la liberté seulement donnent le VRAI bonheur toujours et jamais le faux bonheur. Le bonheur est le "cadeau chose" s'il vous plaît à dit il par ça... le bonheur est le cadeau. L'amour don lui, la liberté don lui et encore, beaucoup de choses dans la vie donnent le bonheur. Je ne pense pas que vous pouvez recevra le vrai vrai bonheur si vous n'avez pas l'amour et la liberté. Tout le bonheur vous avez est faux si vous n'avez pas les autres choses. Et vous avez probablement le bonheur si vous avez les autres choses. L'amour don le bonheur et la liberté don le bonheur. C'est simplement. Donnez l'amour aux autres personnes s'ils peuvent être heureux et laissez les autres personnes vivent dans la liberté s'ils peuvent être heureux. Vous voulez être heureux aussi, oui ?

La Liberté

Ah, la liberté ! C'est vraiment très importante ! Des personnes ont moi écouté parle de la liberté et comment elle est très importante. Si une personne ne peut pas vit avec la liberté, il ne peut pas être heureux. La liberté. Vous sentez la puissance crus dans le mot ? C'est très magnifique, vraiment ! J'aime à parler de la liberté et si je peux, je veux passer ma vie aidant beaucoup de personnes vivre dans la liberté. Vous aimez à choisir qu'est-ce que vous faites de votre vie, oui ? Vous aimez vivre libre. Tout le monde aiment être libre, oui ? Bien sûr ! Des personnes n'aiment pas pour les autres à être libre, mais c'est pour un autre temps. Pourquoi est-ce que tout le monde aiment être libre ? C'est simplement -- la liberté don le bonheur. Tout le monde aiment être heureux aussi, bien sûr ! Maintenant, pourquoi est-ce que des personnes n'aiment pas pour les autres personnes à être libre et heureux ? C'est pas facile à dit maintenant ! Des personnes ont de la difficulté avec voir les autres personnes comme humains. Ils ne pensent pas que nous sommes égales, tout le monde. Donc ils remplissent ses vies avec la haine. Ils tuent les autres personnes s'ils sont différentes. C'est très mal et triste, oui, mais c'est la vie. Nous ne voulons pas pour la vie à être comme ci, mais qu'est-ce que nous pouvons faire ? C'est comme le monde a été toujours et nous ne pouvons pas changions ça. Mais si nous aidons les autres personnes à viennent à la liberté, nous a fait qu'est-ce que nous pouvons. Donnez le cadeau de la liberté aux autres et aidez ils à être heureux et avec l'amour, le bonheur et la liberté.



Il y a plus de moi, je pourrais dire, mais je suis fatigue maintenant. Je veux à continue avec-ci demain, mais je ne sais pas si je vais. Nous verrons.

Maintenant, au revoir, tout le monde et avec l'espoir, à demain ! Pensez de-ci un peu, s'il vous plaît. Je veux le monde à être un peu plus de sympa.


Au revoir.

Quand le monde est un de la haine, on vit la vie avec l'amour, pour c'est le monde, quand c'est tout fini.

C'est vrai, n'est-ce pas? L'amour, c'est le monde...et c'est tout ce que nous avons quand la vie sera fini...Mon amour pour lui, c'est mon monde maintenant...et Travis, il était ma vie...quand on aime, on a le monde dans son cœur! C'est vrai! Je sais que c'est vrai! L'amour est le monde! Et je l'aime, Alex...je l'aime, je l'aime, je l'aime...je ne peux pas dire ça Assez. <3 MON DIEU je l'aime...il est mon monde et ma vie et je ne veux pas être sans lui...quand je lui parle, les autres, ils ne sont pas près de moi...le monde est parfait, car il est parfait...et il est mon monde...je l'aime. <3

(Pardonnez le français...j'ai voulu parler en français pour un peu et je n'ai pas su ce que je voulais écrire...donc j'ai écrit de l'amour. En français, bien sûr. Heh. J'ai besoin d'une vie.)

I'm in a semi-philosophical mood. You may get a taste of some faux deep thinking soon. Whee.


It's raining. <3 I missed rain. I got to walk home in it. It's SO FUCKING GREAT. <3333333


Mdme. Orgeron has succeeded in having me think in French more and more often. I'll find myself translating things I read into French in my head subconsciously and answering people in French. Usually simple things like oui, non, d'accord, vrai, faux, etc. But I've found myself writing increasingly complex answers to things in school in French. Heh.


Alex has ruined Geography class for me in a good way. >:|/:)


Geometry is being a fucking bitch. I got a 36 on my quiz. (Expected something like that, true, since I only did the first page, but still.) These first nine weeks went by quick as fuck. Report cards soon. It feels odd. If time is going this quick (c'est le vingt-quatre octobre? vraiment? déjà? alors...merde.), then winter break will be here soon...<3


The trip to the Folger to see As You Like It is on Nov. 1st. It's...wow. A week away? Really? Auditions for A Midsummer Night's Dream are on the 2nd and 5th...and the play is December 13th. My birthday is Dec. 8th...and I have to take the ACTs then, too. Christmas soon, and then the new goddamned year! Where did 2007 go? It's STILL hard to believe it's even 2007! Much less close to 2008! I mean...damn. Just damn.


I don't know. Eveything seems...odd. Kind of surreal. I mean...I'm going to see him. So soon. Is this really happening? Am I dreaming all this up? Things like this...don't happen to me. A year ago I was sobbing my eyes out over unrequited crap after a week in a mental institution after a suicide attempt. Now I'm happy, in love, and things are just going right. I'm...wow.


I love you, Alex. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Breast problems amount to an infection. This means I get lovely antibiotics. 3 250mg pills at breakfast, same at dinner. "Can cause dizziness." Oh lord I hope it does. :D


Also, guess what I has.



YES. Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You!)


THIS MAKES MY VAGINA HAPPY.




...I'm bored, shh.

Words cannot describe the bliss one gets from really hearing the words "I love you" spoken to you by someone who means it.


I love him. So much. <3

I love him.


I love him, I love him, I love him.


I can't express it with words. I love him.


To love and be loved, is this not life? All that there is? Love? The stars shine brighter, the wind is cooler, the water sweeter...work is easier, hard days are shorter, good days are longer. You need not dreams, for the waking world is a dream.


Pity only the ones without love, for their life is not complete. And those who have not love bestowed upon them, give your love to others. Flowers and chocolates are all nice, but nothing can beat sweet words of love. Forget the horrors of the world around you, it is nothing. Build up that internal world between yourself and your lover, and cherish it dearly. Never forget the power the words "I love you" have and bestow them upon your love regularly. Never underestimate love. Life is nothing without it -- once you've tasted it, you know you can never live if it is gone from you.


I hope you see this. I love you, Alexander Haviland. With all my heart. Never doubt that.

geometry test today
plus a makeup of my french quiz
plus the rest of my science quiz

world geo quiz friay
english vocab quiz friday
french vocab quiz friday
science quiz tomorrow
humanities presentation tomorrow

wtfwtfwtf


someone come be my pillow. i'm tired.




if you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?



does blood bleed?



duct tape is fun. esp used in bondage. i mean, wut?




duck. duck. duck. BEAR OSHI







....I don't know, guys.

I hate Geometry.


So much.


I'm in the whole "do I transfer out of advanced and into regular" dillema right now.

If I switched into the regular Geometry class I'd likely not receive recommendation for any more advanced alg II + trig class they may have at JM. I'd have it fourth period and I'd have to have Mrs. Webster or something for English 6th. I met up with Mrs. Parker today. She asked me who I had for English. I told her Mrs. Ingebretsen. Apparently that's who she wanted me to have.

So I'd feel kinda shitty transferring out. But it MIGHT be slightly easier. I'd also probably receive ridicule from my peers (according to my lovely negative mindset) though. And the regular Geometry class seems to be moving at the same pace as advanced. So I don't know what I'd gain from it.

Lol halp.

...me vs. the common cold, of course.

I hate being sick unless it gets me out of school. And mothers never let you stay home for a cold. Ugh.

My throat has been glitchy (for lack of a better word), my nose clogged, I've been sneezing, coughing a little, REALLY REALLY TIRED, and slow-thinking in general. and it's probably adding to my stress. I ended up crying last night (aka like 2:30AM) due to stress due to Geometry and the fact that I reaaaally wanted Alex.

French of course is going well. Starting chapter 1 tomorrow apparently. Leçons Préliminaires got boring. Madame Orgeron commented that we'd sound better when we start getting colds due to all the nasal sounds en français. I guess she was semi-right. Haha.

We just ended up reading Harrison Bergeron in Humanities. Now all this dystopian literature is meshing together in my mind and screwing with me. Ugh. Have read in humanities: The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas, Utopia: The Search For a Perfect Society, and Harrison Bergeron. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Blah. But it's all mixing up in my head and instilling QUITE a bit of panic in me. Especially since I'm reading 1984 for English at the moment.

Science is boring as usual. Had a quiz on scientific method and measurements en system internationale today. Talking about converting between metric units now. What sucks is that since I have it third period it's too early for me to sleep unless I actively try to.

Lunch, blah blah blah. Had to have it with Mrs. Ingebretsen today due to lack of turning in practise logs. Got one completed there, another completed before lunch, and will complete two tonight to catch me up.

Aaand english, oh english. how I am FUCKING LOATHING you at the moment. maybe it'll pick up when we get to writing. as I said, I'm reading 1984. a hundred something pages in. and I am CREEPED THE FUCK OUT. I'm slightly paranoid these days in respect to the government. But just because youér paranoid doesn't mean they aren't watching you. So yeah, slightly freaking out even though I don't have TOO MUCH to fear. "who would want to jail a sweet little innocent girl like Katrina" you say, right? hahaha. but yeah. waiting for us to start writing in english. starting year off with narratives, that'll get me VERY refreshed. I cannot write poetry for some reason. It just does NOT come naturally. Short stories, novellas? I'm perfectly fine.

Gym. I don't need to say anything. Didn't dress out vendredi, lundi, or aujourd'hui. dunno if I will demain. (note: ignore the random french I'm sprinkling through this. It's "supposed" to help me get a stronger grasp or something. haha.)

Geometry...

I don't get it. At all. And I'm worried like FUCK. I can't wait until this year is over. Next year should be so much better. alg II/trig combined. <3 But yeah. I'm falling asleep in Geometry all the time and then Dr. Duffy points me out in front of the class and invariably someone like Mike will tell me to wake up and then I feel shitty because I'm now tired AND embarrassed. It's not my fault that I'm just so sleepy that time of day. It's not geometry's fault either -- I had my fair share of falling asleep in algebra last year (fifth period.) :\

World geography. Stupid people. Fun enough, but I have SUCH things that people say. I need to compile a huge list of stuff people say in world geography. "Eighth Graders Say The Stupidest Shit."

Blah.

Aujourd'hui c'est les dix-huit septembre. Demain est les dix-neuf septembre, et demain (after that)? Les vingt septembre.

Where did the month go? I mean, sure, I'll be happy if the school year goes by faster, but what the hell?


Il est huit heures moins vingt-trois. I should just sleep it all away.


After doing my homework.

he's HERE he's FINE he's SAFE he's GOOD AND I AM SO FUCKING RELIEVED <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333


je l'aime. <3

news stations are dickwads.

15:00 when i got first word of any media coverage of the die-in.

20:00 when i get a better idea (160 arrested).

about 21:00 when i see CNN picks it up.


23:00 now, i have no idea if alex is being held or free or what.

i know in all likelihood he's fine and coming home/is home now. but i always worry.

there's been decent coverage. all dc news outlets have been talking about it and cnn has picked it up. but there are such fucking jackasses out there.

some are saying that anti-war protesters are anti-troops.

WE SUPPORT THE TROOPS. THAT'S WHY WE DON'T WANT THEM TO DIE IN THE NAME OF AN UNJUST AND ILLEGAL WAR.

i wanted so badly to participate in the die-in. but no, mum's a cheapass bitch and everyone values work more importantly than transportation to protests. meh.


i'm worried to death about alex. i know he should be fine. but i'm scared. i won't feel good until i can talk to him. *sigh*

and there's over 160 others who were arrested. are they out yet? were any of them under eighteen? if they've not been released...are they scared? i hope any that are still being held stay strong. it's horrible to think about.

dc news outlets covered it, talked about what happened, and have moved on. but what happened to the arrested? was anyone hurt? *sigh.*

i've got so much i want to say...but i just can't. i don't know if i've said it already. but my heart goes out to every single person who participated. you are amazing. and i feel for you.

and alex, i love you. I hope you're safe. Please be fine.

You Are Upper Class

Class isn't always about money, and you've at least got the brains, manners, and interests of an upper class person.
You don't have a trashy bone in your body, and you don't pretend to be someone you're not.
You're comfortable with your station in life, and class issues don't really bother you.
The finest things in life are within your reach, and you're comfortable enjoying them.

You may end up: A business leader, corporate lawyer, or philanthropist

Other people who share your class: Bill Gates, Oprah, former world leaders like Bill Clinton, and those reclusive billionaires no one ever talks about.

---

Your Love Song Is

Yellow by Coldplay>

"Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow"

You're so in love, it's like a drug.

---

Your Personality is the Rarest (INFJ)

Your personality type is introspective, principled, self critical, and sensitive.

Only about 2% of all people have your personality - including 3% of all women and around 1% of all men.
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

---

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

---

You Will Be an Unconventional Bride!

You're probably the type of girl who never considered getting married - until you met *him*
You're not a big fan of white dresses, church weddings, or cheesy DJ's
That's okay - you'll do it your way... whether that means a Vegas wedding or guys as bridesmen
While you may not toss the bouquet (or have anyone to toss it to), it will still be the most romantic day of your life!

---

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 50%

Canadian Slang: 50%

Prison Slang: 50%

British Slang: 25%

Southern Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 25%

---

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream

Your personality is anything but "vanilla"
You're a risk taker, who's up for anything new.
You go well with anyone and fit into any situation.

You are most compatible with rocky road ice cream.

---

You Are 35% Scary

You scare men off ocassionaly, but only very weak men.
You're a normal woman. You're not perfect, but you're pretty darn close.

---

You Are 72% Nerdy

You are a pretty big nerd, and you're getting nerdier every day.
Don't worry if you don't have friends... there's always robots.

---

You Were Very Naughty This Year!

Naughty, naughty! You've given Santa a broken heart.
You probably won't get anything from Mr. Claus
Except for a well deserved spanking
(Which you'll probably enjoy, you sicko!)

---

Your Lust Quotient: 82%

Your lust is totally out of control. You definitely have let your animal instincts take over.
And while your unbridled desire is attractive to some, most people see you as a bit of a freak!

---

You Will Die at Age 55

Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle
Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

---

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world.
And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it!

The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say

Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony

Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

---

You Are 76% Good

You are a good person. You do the best you can to be ethical, fair, and moral.
And as you know, being a good person means making hard decisions... and following them through.
If you're confronted with an ethical dilemma, you will usually do the right thing.
Of course you do slip up. No one's perfect. But you do your best to correct your missteps.

You are also probably: incredibly honest, especially with yourself

Right now you are on track to being: A respected leader

To be a better person: Be kind to someone who is not very kind to you

---

Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning

You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life.
You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights.
A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way.

In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit.

While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme.
You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends.
Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!

---

You Are a Smart American
You know a lot about US history, and you're opinions are probably well informed.
Congratulations on bucking stereotypes. Now go show some foreigners how smart Americans can be.

---

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more open with you.

With respect to money, you are a bit stingy.

You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you.

You have a tendency to overdo things, but basically you value your friendships highly.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match.

---

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

---

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant.
You have an outrageous personality...
And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down.

Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance.
You need to feel special at all times.
You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

---

You Are a Red Crayon

Your world is colored with bright, vivid, wild colors.
You have a deep, complex personality - and you are always expressing something about yourself.
Bold and dominant, you are a natural leader. You have an energy that is intense... and sometimes overwhelming.
Your reaction to everything tends to be strong. You are the master of love-hate relationships.

Your color wheel opposite is green. Green people are way too mellow to understand what drives your energy.

---

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.
You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

---

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself.

Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing.

For you, falling in love is all about the adventure and uncertainty. You can only fall in love with someone who keeps you guessing.

---

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch
Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.
From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up.
And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

---

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 15% Conservative, 85% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

OUI

C'EST VENDREDI

thank god.

had a shittyish day. went to sleep at 4:30, woke up at 6 depressed, went back to sleep till 6:40 when mom started yelling at me, had to get ready uberquick cause she wouldn't let me skip. hadn't done ANY of my homework. french, humanities, and science went nice and smooth of course, they always do. but i was feeling pretty shit come lunchtime so I skipped eating.

then english came. i haven't done any reading logs. so yeah, got a little scolded, etc. then since I was really depressed and it was pretty obvious from my eyes probably mrs. ingebretsen took me outside and asked what was wrong. gave my standard "oh i'm fine. just....uh...tired." reply.

didn't dress out in gym. slept on the steps of the tennis court.

geometry...went nice enough. had quiz. really nervous about it (got 79 on my last one), but i'll just wait and see. world geography was nice enough. not much in it. spent the period looking for coordinates on maps in the book and writing down the cities, pretty much. last place was Istanbul. I ended up singing istanbul (not Constantinople). was fun.

i've been thinking in french a LOT more recently. it's kinda amusing but kind of annoying. i don't even know the language much. but i keep replacing words in english with the french equivalent in my head. blegh.

il est quatorze septembre. il est quatre heures un de l'apres midi.

et il est vendredi.

et je suis heureux.

mum is such a stupid bitch. she's so annoying.

I'm feeling pretty meh-ish. Want Alex to get on, but as usual, he probably won't until like past midnight. Which means my sleep schedule is screwed for tonight.

School's been all rightish. Only have a problem with Mr. Kinzer. Madame Orgeron and therefore French class is the highlight of my day. I have it first period and it puts me in such an optimistic mood. Humanities follows, so that REALLY gets me going.

Mr Janulis is all right (3rd period, physical science). He's hinted at explosions and various things like that in class to come and he seems kinda tech savvy. He makes a lot of programming analogies and Logan, he, and I had a mini-discussion during class about programming. Kinda hard to keep it so that the rest of the class can understand it. (they don't offer an advanced class for science, so yeah.)

After that is lunch. It goes smoothly enough. So far I usually sit diagonal from Heather and pretty close to Taylor. Next to Raven. No one really bitches at me. Keep to myself. It's pretty nice.

Then comes Advanced English. Mrs. Ingebretsen is pretty nice, but I'm gonna have a few roughish times. I can tell. And of course after that is gym. It's been all right so far but you can't really screw up sitting on the bleachers listening to them going over rules. Tomorrow we should start actual class. And it'll probably suck ass.

Advanced Geometry after gym. Dr. Duffy is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY nice. I just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hate Geometry. Algebra I was SO easy for me. Answers were right there and I had absolutely no struggles, just flew through the class with As. Geometry's different. Dr. Duffy mentioned that if we did pretty well in Algebra, we might have some difficulties with Geometry. They're pretty different and all. And fuuuck he was right.

I end my day with World Geography. Another class they don't offer advanced studies for. And that's pretty obvious. It's only been four days and I have some priceless gems. Such as people asking if Greenland is its own continent. Or placing China above Russia when mapping out the world. Hopefully they'll improve.

All in all it's been pretty good so far. Pretty fun and everything. And hopefully the light of the day, French, should keep me going. The good SHOULD outweigh the bad. French, humanities, science, geometry, and world geography are REALLY fun. World Geography I don't think I'll like the actual SUBJECT, but I'm on the side of the room with mostly advanced kids and everything's pretty nice and fun with Mrs. Devine and us making jokes.

To end this post, a gem from World Geography on Friday:

Mrs. Devine: So make sure you have a good spot for your books, blah blah blah
Aniela: I have a special spot!
Right side of the room: ...
Aniela: ...FOR MY BOOKS. *BLUSH*
Room: *cracks up laughing*

:)

 TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU
1. Are you in a relationship? Not atm.
2. Are you happy? Sorta.
3. Are you bored?: Yeah.
4. Are you sad?: Sorta.
5. Are you Italian?: No?
6. Are you German?: No?
7. Are you Asian?: No?
8. Are you Mexican?: No.
9. Are you Irish?: Yes.
10. Are your parents still married? Rape child.

TEN FACTS
1. Hair Color: Pix sho it.
5. Eye color: Green.
6. Race: Caucasion with unknown fucked up roots.
7. Mood: Meh.
8. Crush's name: Jonathan.
9. Available: Yeah.
10. Lefty/righty: Right.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love? Yes.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really.
3. Why did your last relationship fail? 3,000 miles and 7 years.
4. Have you ever been hurt? Yep.
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart? I hope not.
6. Would you date someone of a different race? Course.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? YEP.
8. Are you afraid of commitment?: No.
9. Have you kissed someone within the last week? Nope/
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer?: Probably not.

1. Love or Money?: Love.
2. Hard liquor or beer?: Wine.
3. Cats or dogs?: Puptens.
5. Television or Internet?: Internets.
6. Pepsi or coke?: Dr. Pepper.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in? Romantic night in.
9. Night or day?: Night.
10. IM or phone?: IM.

TEN HAVE YOU EVERS
1. Been caught sneaking out? Never been caught...
2. Done something you regret? Fuck yes.
4. Bungee jump?: hell no.
5. Been on a house boat?: No.
6. Finished an entire jawbreaker? YES. You know that cards and ice cream shop downtown? One from there. It was hard as fuck but awesome.
7. Went skinny dipping?: Nah.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back?: Yeah...
9. Cried because you lost a pet?: Yep.
10. Wanted to disappear? Yes.


TEN PREFERENCES
1. Smile or eyes?: Eyes.
2. Light or dark hair: Dark.
3. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.
4. Shorter or taller: Taller.
5. Intelligence or attraction: Intelligence.
6. Romantic or spontaneous: Iunno.
7. Nice stomach or nice arms: Don't care.
8. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.
10. A date outside or at the movies: Outside.

TEN LASTS
1. Phone call you made: No clue.
2. Phone call you receive: Naomi.
3. People you hung out with: God knows.
4. Person you hugged: Can't remember.
7. Text Message you received: No cell.
8. Person you went to the movies with: Julie.
9. Person you have missed: Jonathan.
10. Song you heard: Les Mis - Bring Him Home.

---

Favorite Color: Pink
Worst Color: Yellow
Favorite Number: 23
Favorite Animal: Wolf
Least Favorite Animal: Spider
Favorite Flower : don't know/care
Favorite Food: don't know
Worst Food: don't know
Favorite Junk Food: don't care
Worst Junk Food: don't care
Favorite Restaraunt: don't care
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: stephen colbert's americone dream. even if I've not had it. cause it looks awesome.
Favorite Candy: don't care. jolly rancher?
Favorite Alcoholic Drink: smirnoff
Favorite NON Alcoholic Drink: dr. pepper
Worst Alcoholic Drink: don't care
Worst NON Alcoholic Drink: red bull
Favorite Genre of Music: indie
Favorite Radio Station: don't listen to the radio
Favorite Band/Artist: the decemberists
Worst Band/Artist: there's quite a few...fall out boy?
Favorite Song: o valencia
Worst Song: dance dance
Worst Genre: emu
Favorite Book: les miserables
Worst Book: eragon
Favorite Type of Movie: don't care
Worst Type of Movie: don't care
Favorite Movie: rent
Worst Movie Ever: eragon
Favorite TV Show: colbert report
Worst TV Show: dora the explorer. and anything on mtv
Favorite Season of the Year: winter
Worst Season: summer
Best Friend: jenn
Worst Enemy: scip
Favorite Day of the Week: saturday
Least Favorite Day of the Week: monday
Favorite Sport: swimming
Sport You Hate: everything else
One thing you cant get enough of: jonathan <3
One thing you hate more than anything: stupidity

---

My Answers to Survey Sex Stuff 1 - Have you ever like someone and not told them how you feel? yep 2 - Had a crush on a brother/sister's friend? yep 3 - Favorite spot to be kissed? neck/shoulders 4 - Dominent or submissive? submissive 5 - Would you live with your girlfriend? what gf? bri? yes. :P 6 - Would you change yourself for someone? nope 7 - Are you a virgin? technically no (no hymen), literally yes (never had sex) 8 - Straight? nope 9 - Gay? nope 10 - Bi? yep 11 - Would you/have you had a threesome? i would 12 - ever cheated on someone? nope 13 - Do you use protection? i would 14 - Have you ever had an STD? nope 15 - Have you ever thought a teacher was hot? yep 16 - Made out with someone in school? nope 17 - Lied about the sex being good? haha. no 18 - Faked an orgasm? sorta. not during sex. :P 19 - Been in love with more than one person at a time? yep 20 - Are you a player? whaaaaaat, me? 21 - Have you ever been used? yep 22 - At what age did you receive your first kiss? never. 23 - Do you get jealous easily? yep 24 - Do you hide your feelngs from those you care about? yep I found this, and added some: How many girlfriends or boyfriends have told you they love you?: Four. Have you ever thought that you were going to marry a person?: Yes. Are you crushin' on anybody?: Yes. Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?: Yes. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?: I hope not. Are you happier single or in a relationship?: Relationship. Have you ever been cheated on?: No. What is your favorite thing(s) about the opposite sex?: Eyes. Have you ever had your heart broken?: Yes. Have you ever broken someones heart?: I hope not. Talk to any of your ex's?: Yes. All the time. If you could go back in time and change things with your ex's, would you?: No. Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?: Maybe. Have you been in an abusive relationship?: No. Have you dated someone older than you?: Yes. Younger?: No. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?: Yes. Believe in love at first sight?: No. Ever been given an engagement ring?: No. Do you want to get married?: Yes. Do you have something to say to any of your ex's?: "You rock." Ever stolen someones boyfriend or girlfriend?: No. Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?: Yes. Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?: Yes. Worse. Do you want to be like any of your friends?: Yes. Bootycall with any of your ex's?: Haha. Do you want to get back with your ex on the DL?: No. You: What color eyes? Green. Hair? Brown. How tall? 5'7". How old? 12. What city do you live in? Fredericksburg. Male/Female? Female. The Private You? How many people have you had sex with in 2006? 0. How many of those people were one night stands? None. How many serious relationships have you had? 4. Maybe 5. What is your favorite position? Doggystyle anal. Have you ever slept with more than one person at a time? No. Him / Her Eyes? Blue or green. Height? 6'0" or so. Weight? Whatever. Body structure? Whatever. Tall / short? Tall. Personality? Witty, smart, caring, sarcastic. Age? Older than me. Misc. What is the first question you ask before having sex with someone? I dunno. Have you ever considered or had a sex buddy with no relationship? Yes. If yes, how many? "Considered." Have you ever not been in love with someone you had sex with? No. Top or bottom? Bottom. Have you ever considered being with some of the same sex? Yes. What are 2 turn on's? Being dominated. And...I dunno. What are 2 turn off's? Stupidity. Weakness. Why did you feel it necessary to fill out this survey and post it for everyone to see? I'm bored. Who is most likely to repost this? No one. You Male, female, or other? Female. Homo, hetero, bi, a, or pan? Pan. Sexually active? I wish. Your Beliefs On Homosexual marraiges Should be completely legal. Homosexuality (Is it wrong?) If someone loves someone else, they should be together, regardless of gender. "Zoosexuality" (a.k.a. Beastiality) It's hot. And y'know what? If the animal doesn't oppose (why the fuck do people think animals with CLAWS, TEETH, HOOVES, ETC can't protect themselves), power to you for doing it, go ahead. Sex before marraige It's fine. Sex pleasures. Marraige in general If you're in love, go ahead, don't rush into it, etc. Protection Do it. But y'know what? If an unwanted pregnancy occurs, go ahead and get an abortion if you want. If you want to put the child up for adoption, ok. Don't not do something just because it's controversial. Your life and sex life is just that -- YOURS. Goddamn. Question #1: What turns you on the most? Being dominated. Question #2: Does size matter? Sort of. I don't want like a 2" dick. But I don't want one of those huge 15" cocks. Six to nine inches is fine. Question #3: Most times in one day? Oh god. I don't know. >5. Question #4: Most orgasms in one session? Don't know. Question #5: What do you think about during sex? Preoccupy yourself with the experience, guys. :\ Question #6: Ever had a Three-some? No. Would love to, though. Question #7: How often do you masturbate? LOTS. Question #8: Do you like oral? Yes. Question #9: What's better, someone you care about or a one night stand? Someone you care about and love.